God wanted to kill Moses!

It's very scary message for today's bible reading. God wanted to kill Moses. Moses, the one he chose to do big thing for him and for his beloved Israel citizens. The one he has big plan on and has prepared him for long time. Why?

From Exodus4, it mentions God wanted to kill him until his wife willing to cut off the foreskin of their son. Circumcision, is it THAT important? God said yes it is important. It's important especially when Moses has been chosen.

Reading some explanations essays on "Circumcision", I discover that it's not only our action of endorsement with the contract God made with us, but also our responsibility to show our will to give up our body - our physical image, our old self, our own will, our old value system, the one who loves the world more than God, our so-called "basic" needs such as gourmet, fashion, fit body shape, charming look, sex drive, auto and flat, high qualifications, or even a rich intelligent mate.

Moses ignored God's command. Please his wife more than please God. Although he's on the way to Egypt working for him, he was never totally surrendered. He kept his own thought, still did thing in own way, kept suspect himself and God even God has patiently explained and showed him his power and told him who he is.

How many of us can give up ourselves for him? To me, giving up material is hard, but not as hard as giving up myself. During the years, if not the system I built for myself, how can I survive till today. Well that's what I believe. God says I can survive because of his grace on me. Not a penny I give has any impact on my own life. Until now, I can't accept that and I pray for God taking this stubborn concept away before he kills me.

Another reason for not giving up is my suffering past. Because of that, I don't want to give up pleasure in life. I often justify what I want to do knowing that He is not happy with. The whole world is doing that. Why I cannot? Why is that against bible? Life is for pleasure not for suffering! blablabla... I realize whenever I get upset with life, I let myself get into physical indulgence. God reminds me I will pay the bill my own. One thing I am happy with is that, this time he is not silent. He is using everyone, every way to remind me. Lord, please forgive my capricious and bath me with your grace. Help me in resistant in the temptations. Never let go of my hand.

Circumcision - God commands us as a must do in order to get peace, get close to him, work for him, and to be protected under his contract with us. No wonder I never have peace inside of me. The old me has never gone. The old value I do not want to give up and gradually I don't even recognize. When we insist our own way, God will of course not give us up. But he will keep silent (as for Abram that God didn't speak with him for 13 years after he got a son with his maid). I myself have experienced God's silent for years and it's terrible. It's like the soul has been shut down and no connection no matter what.

Don't let this ever happen to you! Be smart and seize God's connection with you. All we do is to trust. As Jesus himself has gone through death with his body, we must believe with his strength, to our body and our old self, we are free!