The last section of praying course yesterday, E and I got to talk to clergy afterward. Amazingly, the negative thoughts of this clergy, the course content and the church has gone. Despite missing 2 classes, unable to catch up with the reading, delay to hand in homework and memorize bible phrases, I was inspired and went through some self-growing progress. I may not be able to pass the course and go straight to the next level. But I kind of agree why Jesus suggested me to take this lesson.

Firstly, I was too cocky in front of God and people. I am stubborn and not letting anyone to judge me or advise me or lead me out of my comfort zone. Secondly, my faith is so not enough and I am so insecure even with his magnify power and great love on me. That I set lots of do and don't around me forgetting the truth (bible) should lead the way not me. I was so not open-minded when I am proud and advertise myself as one. I hate stereotype, judgemental, prejudice, fail to try, closed-minded. I just don't realize that I am one of them. I hate to live in a frame but I am actually framing myself.

I like and hate to explore myself. Like because I long for changes and growth. Hate because it's often painful, confused, stuck ed, and frustrated. I respect people who find fighting his own hardship challenging or even have fun from it. Me, I must admit that I am a coward. That I would avoid, escape, back off from any hard time. The more failure I experience, the more danger zone I got. Now I got nowhere else to go but trapping myself in the middle of the room. Where is the courage I used to have, I wonder. I envy the me who feel the world is all mine. That I was the center of the world. That the spotlight is always on me. And I don't give a damn to failure, judgement, age, prestige, wealth and status. And my future is so bright with unlimited possibilities and opportunities. That I have no regret for my life!