Stand up with my own feet

It's almost done my dissertation but I have no feeling of achievement. How much you pay, how much you get! No exception. I am quite empty these few days. Movies and sitcom marathon. Because of emptiness inside, I sink in movies and sitcom from time to time. I rather stay in a fake world then the real life I guess. I know it's wasting time and won't do me any good. But I still let myself cos at least I am pleased during those hours. Pathetic! The real life is too painful. Went for one of the movie at french cinepanorama yesterday with cousin. She filled me up with bad news from family. Despite her mental problem, she is brave and mature in handling it. To be honest, I feel ashame. I have no idea why I have no motivation in anything. Is it simply because I am lazy? Or am I actually sick mentally? Even therapy won't change anything. Just for a short while, and then I fail again. Tiny little thing can pull me down and never be able to get up again. I hate myself to be like that. But I can do nothing. Times pass by and nothing change. I desire change and so afraid that I will be like that until I die. When can you stand up with your own feet?