I am in the middle of the road. A road with no end. I have no idea where it goes. There is nothing on the side and I am all alone. It is hot and dry but I feel so free and alone. I feel like I can be anything anyone. But I don't know what I should be.
From time to time, I feel like drowning and I almost lose my breath. I never shout for help because I know it is useless. Maybe I am afraid that no one will give a shit to even look at me. Or I had too many experience of dead end communication. Eventhough I tried so hard to express what I am feeling inside, there seems to be no one totally understand. No one ever has enough patient to wait until he really understand.
People like to catagorize the others. We don't want to believe that everyone is unique. For our own convenience, we just hear a few sentenses and put the conclusion right there. It is so cruel especially to people who are really desperate like me.
Maybe I am like the gay couples in Six Feet Under. I am almost believing that I am not good enough or lucky enough to have someone to stay with me. I mean like staying with me taking in all my good and bad and really be with me eventhough sometimes it's not enjoyable. To stay with me just because he thinks I worth!
Do we have to be that perfect to be worthy? God tells us no matter what we did or who we are, he loves us so dearly. That should build our self esteem. Rationally, yes! But when people around you are so insensitive, demanding, judgemental and realistic, is it possible to not let them drag you down?
