Having fever and body pain for a whole week. Spent lots of time in bed half conscious state. I know there is unhappiness and self-critic recently due to my mother. But I felt love around at school and friends around me. Either my cognitive changed or God actually put more love around me I wouldn't know for now. Yesterday day out with e having a really great time. I can walk about anything with her and I think she feels the same too. How amazing I can be best friend with someone 12 years younger than me! Even the difficulty we faced recently are similar so we can share deeply. Amazing! I told her Satan keep knocking down my broken door. My self-esteem and confidence are so weak that the door almost fall down every time he test. She reminds me I should let Jesus be the master in the my house so He can open the door for me to send Satan away. I heard this story long long time ago. But I enjoy hearing from her again. God reminds me of letting him rule my life, to let go. I need to let go more and more. God please give me the strength, obedience, and humble to let you rule.