Went to a wedding. Faced people I've been hiding from for years. I bought 2 dresses got really panic when the time get close. A million times thinking of not going. But the groom is one of my very best. He really wanted me to celebrate with him. Ending up, no big deal. I am mature enough, strong enough to handle. I even can chit chat with Mr computer. Nice! I got no bad feeling against him anymore. Really! But the news Mr C got married and a son really knock me off. I so wanted to believe that his love is only for me lifetime. That we are meant to end up with each other. That he is incapable to love anyone else. Thinking of him caring his wife break my heart. The next day, the hangover (non-alchool) got me really bad. That I skip church and ask my sis for sos pray. I cry for my sin hurting other all these years. I realize I am the one hurting other not that I used to think I am the victim. I was relief after praying. That night, I pray for everyone I met at the banquet. especially the one I once loved. sincerely I wish them all the best from God. Now only thing left in my heart, is that I am alone. That I really wish God has already prepare for me. And I am ready for him. and I am capable of loving him not hurthing him, torturing him. God please help me and lead me the way. Thanks God for sis to pray with and for me. Thanks for forgiven my sin. Thanks for the relief. Thanks for friend's support. thanks for love from family. thanks for hope and faith. thanks.