Tonight should be the last nite for uncle's wife. I brought soup and dinner box to the hopsital. When I hear cousin wanted her younger brother to be tough and not to do silly thing, I really admired her. The parents in our family are all dictators. Relationship is never good with different reasons. A lot of hidden problems waiting to explose. Like my cousin moved out because of uncle's unreasonable and controlling attitude to them. I totally understand because my mom was the same. I am too late to take part in it. To show care. Everyone has ten years. Their 10 years having a mother with cancer and a dad with terrible temper. Mine wandering around, winning about not good enough situation. Have I ever lived in this 10 years? I just never think of others not even my closed family. I was so self-centered, selfish and cruel. I never realize their perception of me is true..... I want to do more from now on. God please bless our family. Bless everyone. Teach us love on another more and more. Make me a peace maker. Give me the gut to shout out your love!

When I see cousin K so lost and cried, it breaks my heart. Doctor said her mother situation is not optimistic. The strongest medication is being applied but the situation only getting worst. The eyes of uncle are empty when he explained to us. Life is fragile. We are tiny and helpless. We put our hands on her and pray in front of cousin w. Sis said she says "thank you" for we don't know what. With little faith, I hope God has mercy on her bring her to heaven. I call mom last nite and feel comfort inside a bit. I guess I am grateful that my mom and dad still healthy and independent and can do what they like to, go where they want to. I thank God for keeping them healthy. I pray for their eternal life.

Breast Cancer II

My heart is full of joy and thanks. For He not only listen to my prays, but not listen to my blames, sent me friends, church friends, little sis v, to support, care and pray for me, and provide a good doctor. After all, the big "fibroid" was only some FAT! And the tiny one is not a matter. We'll just do regular check of the size. So... when I am so worry about painful procedure, God said no procedure is required!
I learnt many from this experience.
1. Share not only joy but worries to others. Let them support and be a part in it.
2. Pray seule, in group, pray for others
3. Faith! I tried so hard to find doctor and information and source from friends. What I got is increasing anxiety. No faith, I sink. With faith, I could go through as easy as flying in the cloud.
4. Anytime care for the others, not self! When I become more self-focus, I started to postpone caring for others and think it's normal and reasonable. But Holy spirit made me feel the urge of my friend L. I must invite L and Y for a pray meeting asap. Never thought of that pray meeting is actually for myself. And for friendship. And for building their faith too. Haleluja!
5. With less faith, we pray for little. God shows me he can do much more than that! Silly me! I was afraid to ask for more.