I think I am a negative thinker. Always be prepared for the worst. Hardly get myself motivated. Very dramatic emotions. Since the liver illness, it is more obvious. Self pity, scare, disappointing, anger, withdrawal, etc occupy my mind with no space for anything good. Especially when I was sick, I get annoying and frustrated. It is not easy for me even with the full love of God.
The severe cough stole my sleeps for days. My trip to Japan (was so exciting about that) has to be postponed. I finally gave in and consulted my doctor today. He offered me to take antibiotics. It will hurt my liver for sure but I have to this time. I am very down thinking I will died with liver cancer one day. Will I?
How do I want to live my unhealthy life? It is a question keep hitting my mind. I feel that the answer becomes clearer and clearer. People who shine in adversity (especially in illness) really touches my heart. Inside, I think I wanna be like that. I wanna be shiny even in the worst situation and so other get blessed or be inspired by me. Hard! Very, to me as a girl who enjoys sinking in pathetic mood.
God sent me angel listen to me, cook for me and shop computing accessory with me today. Thank you!
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