Have been addicted to cyber sex the last week. So boring, lonely and feel like nothing can excite me more than sex. However, too dare to have real sex with just anyone. Cyber in this case is the best solution.
After the first time I get into the chatroom, I fell in it. I go back whenever I have time and I would give up sleep for that. You never know what happen that night. Whether a good partner will show up or a lousy one. It is one fun part of the game.
There is one very good one make my night. We chat all night long and tease each other and became so high. We both want it so much... we almost come out and do real. That was really great time although everything about ourselves might be fake.
But then I realize that I don't want reality anymore. I isolate myself from friends. Just want to chat with someone know for a second rather than someone care for me for years. Many stuff get pending because I rather spend time on chatroom. And... now I really want sex more than anything.
One thing very dangerous is that, I go further and further. Maybe I have no discipline at all. I go from chat online, to msn private chat, to msn voice chat, to phone chat. When one really aggressive chatmate ask me out, my heart actually wants to. O my, what if I really did that. Can't imagine how low and guilty I will feel. I am not the person who can accept myself like that. I've been going through all that before and it's not easy to turn around.
God, please show me the light, lead me the way, help me to resist the temptation so I can live healthily again. Saturday, July 15, 2006
Sexual Struggles
Have been addicted to cyber sex the last week. So boring, lonely and feel like nothing can excite me more than sex. However, too dare to have real sex with just anyone. Cyber in this case is the best solution.
After the first time I get into the chatroom, I fell in it. I go back whenever I have time and I would give up sleep for that. You never know what happen that night. Whether a good partner will show up or a lousy one. It is one fun part of the game.
There is one very good one make my night. We chat all night long and tease each other and became so high. We both want it so much... we almost come out and do real. That was really great time although everything about ourselves might be fake.
But then I realize that I don't want reality anymore. I isolate myself from friends. Just want to chat with someone know for a second rather than someone care for me for years. Many stuff get pending because I rather spend time on chatroom. And... now I really want sex more than anything.
One thing very dangerous is that, I go further and further. Maybe I have no discipline at all. I go from chat online, to msn private chat, to msn voice chat, to phone chat. When one really aggressive chatmate ask me out, my heart actually wants to. O my, what if I really did that. Can't imagine how low and guilty I will feel. I am not the person who can accept myself like that. I've been going through all that before and it's not easy to turn around.
God, please show me the light, lead me the way, help me to resist the temptation so I can live healthily again. 