Moody, headache, broke up message, heavy shoulders and PMS. Don't get close to me coz I can be really dangerous now. Anger, lust, guilty, loneliness are teasing me. headache headache....

Recently dating H. Not handsome, not well educated, not funny at all. Just not sure why I found it romantic when we were trapped in the cable car in the heavy mist. One second I wanted to rest my head on his shoulder. He is calculative, realistic, willing to share true feeling and enjoy controlling women. Totally not my type. But again I'm not sure why I feel comfortable talking to him for hours. Why I am somewhat moved when he be frank to me. Why I eventually am trying to fit into his request. I bet no matter what, it won't go anywhere. Because I love dream more than life. His tactic, playing hard-to-get really disgust me. I mean come on, I invented that! According to my history, it's time to ditch him. The question is, when will this pattern be changed? I am tired.

Watched 6 french movies lately. Proud of myself for still capable of understanding. It was nice to have my roommate to bought discount tickets and watched with me. Only yesterday, I watched alone the one that really upset me. It dig out something in the past and made me so sad that I could hardly cry. I was exhausted walking out of the cinema and I called F. She couldn't comfort me because she didn't know the incident. However, she gave 100% support as a good friend. Then I called J but couldn't reach her. I was wandering around the mall and got H's stood-up message. Even worse! Both past and recent relationship did not working on me. I feel like a loser. Thank God J returned the called and offered to accompany me. We went swimming and had fun at her brother's house. Having J to share with who knows my past and never look down on me really making me feel good. I bet I just need to commit the sin to God and let Him heal me.

After the trip, I find myself crazy for everything in an indian way. Indians I met in TST began to catch my attentions. The Masala I cooked in the morning .. so exotic! The movie Slumdog millionaire .. can't wait to watch it. The girls dressed in traditional indian clothes I saw in MTR were so pretty. Almost wanna go make friends with them. Just watched the atv program "slavery in india" telling us uneducated underage girls being sold as a slave, working from 4am to midnight, suffering from sex and physical abused everyday without any help. One even found in a prostitute building living with her family there. It reminds me of the faces of the poor kids at some monuments. It hooked my heart now. I wished more ppl to help the girls out and to change their mindset.

I don't like this feeling. Someone borrowed my stuff and chose to disconnect with me at the same time. I told him we should be friends and he stopped giving me call. I find it mean and no manner at all. However, what can I do. Not worth to keep a friend like that so I don't wanna give him call. I tried to online, he's there but no hello at all. No manner! Begin to worry about my stuff in his hand. I am giving him 1-2 more weeks. Or I will get it back. Next time, don't lend someone anything if he is pursuing you!