Dinner with cell on Saturday evening. There is negative feeling since mid autumn towards cell. I so wanna drop off. Been hearing too many bad thing about it and about church. The feeling become complicated and couldn't let out. Then I am attacked. Been in this cell for 1 1/2 years. I wanna think it through If I had ever get anything from it. Are they someone I trust. Are they someone I seek for pray and help when I need. In contrast, i did remember a few time being criticised. Am I growing? Are they with me? God I really wanna know if that's a sign of leaving or just influenced by others. God I wanna know if I ever will have someone to walk with. cell becomes frustrating. but I m serving and is that ok? God my road is being rougher, pls lead me out.