Dinner with cell on Saturday evening. There is negative feeling since mid autumn towards cell. I so wanna drop off. Been hearing too many bad thing about it and about church. The feeling become complicated and couldn't let out. Then I am attacked. Been in this cell for 1 1/2 years. I wanna think it through If I had ever get anything from it. Are they someone I trust. Are they someone I seek for pray and help when I need. In contrast, i did remember a few time being criticised. Am I growing? Are they with me? God I really wanna know if that's a sign of leaving or just influenced by others. God I wanna know if I ever will have someone to walk with. cell becomes frustrating. but I m serving and is that ok? God my road is being rougher, pls lead me out.

What do we work for? I love my job. Comfortable environment. Nice people. The job nature is what I want. Take part in ending poverty. Office close to my home. What more can I ask for. But it is a part time job, no benefit, and no position even though what I am doing is actually something. The pay... I am not happy with. The commitment, job load, time I spent there way too much then my pay. Now the question come again, what do we all work for? If I like the job and don't wanna lose it, should I fight for my wage? If I am starting to calculate with them, am I really loving my job as I said. I bet the bad news about the worldwide enconomy is making some impact to my finacial management. I become insecure to the future in terms of how much I could save now. God doesn't treat me bad. I mean who else can get this stable income, and can choose to do what I want at the same time. I should be thankful but since when I find it not enough and insecure with God everyday provide.

Yeah, after spending thousands of money, and hours of studies, I finally finished the music exam today. I believe I am passing it hopefully with dinstinction. I thank the 2 angels sending me sms for that showing supports. So sweet. Like going back to high school or what. I never had girl friends like that. Now I could work on my piano again. Heading 6 grade. Love the feeling of achieving something after some hard work, someone to assist me. someone to encourage me. someone to celebrate with. Love that all God gave me. I would love to give back to him.