I dreamt of C yesterday. Seems that we get back together. I got to tell him what I like about him. The feeling is calm and cozy but not strong. Is that mean I still like him? Or just that I am too lonely? Never once before or after, there is a man love me that much, make me that important that probably every girl is long for.

insecure maniac

A word to descibe a waiting-for-love woman sometimes can't breath often bother by the pass the feeling so close to the end find no reason to go on from time to time exhaust even for a single step extremely scared of being alone for the rest of the life yet can't settle for ordinary what will happen to this kind of woman suffer from her own emotion not able to enjoy life before marriage but after marriage, she'll find out those were the best time ever in life that she did whatever she wanted then she gets to learn the different of tangible and intangible "soucis" the truth is waiting-for-love woman got too much time to think got too much resources to spend got too much freedom ending up focus too much one oneself open up! reach the world! you are so much more than that!

Dream of the past

I had nitemare last nite. It was terrible reflecting my fear from the past event and my relationship with parents. Everytime after these dreams, I was totally exhausted. I cried out loud to God, please move away my sin and my memory. Wash me until I am totally clean. Never let my sin bother me anymore. Set me free from my past. Never let me sink again. Please God, don't leave me alone. Bring me along with you and enable me to fly in your love. None of that become my burden. Set me free!

Cell dinner

Yesterday, dined out with cell. Wonderful moment. I love my cell. They are caring, cozy and fun. Most importantly, they struggle in God's love just like me. I can't stop laughing the whole nite that my face mussle got so tired. I haven't been so cheerful for long. I pray for more love and care and God's grace in our cell, and everyone...

This is a week for rest. Frankly I get exhausted from this temp. I really need to off no matter what. Can't imagine if I have to go on. Anyway, sometimes I miss my classes but with good feeling. Anyway, I recieved phone call from u buddy D. He was a close friend to me and saw me through many fail relationship but never judge me for a second. Well, there are few years we haven't seem each other. Since he studied in BJ, met his gf, studied aboard in France, and started working in Idontknowwhere. Suddeny got his call, my gut told me "bad news". Well he is getting married. That's not the bad part. But asking me to be his bridemaid , it is. People I do not wanna meet will see me putting on this clowd outfit and doing awdward stuff. But do I have a choice. I can't say no! Aiya... now what I do is to keep a good form of myself. All my trousers are too small proving my overweight problem is getting serious. Well, I got time. Let's do something with it. Or.... the worst case I stand him up as usual....hehe

Birthday

This is my 30something birthday(well I don't want to remember the something part). I spent my birthday outdoor. I am blessed because I found my energy is back when I rid the bike, rowed the boat with my best friend, and flied the kite. I don't feel exhausted anymore like before. I find my health better. I am glad. Also, I am very happy to see sister and best friend on my birthday. We can all enjoy the nature, our energy and laugh around. I am glad. I think I am different and easier to be happy than before. It's good. Like I got the key of happiness. Not easy for everyone. I am glad and I hope I hold the key until I die. And I hope I can show more people how to get the key of themselves. Not only happy on birthday, Happy everyday to myself and the ones I care!

June1 the last day of my teaching. With the bad feeling of making 2 classes crying after the exam, I tried best to enjoy my last day and treasure every moment. For I am pretty sure this is the last day of my life to teach. Well, I didn't get disappointed. The teachers are very kind. P2 and P4 classes love the little present I gave them. Some drawed me cards, some sent me chocolate, some asked my email address and msn account. I was impressed and touched. On the way home, I took the bus (my auto was in hospital). I read through every gift from them and I felt so warm inside. These are extra and special gift from the above I believe. That I experience the pure heart and graceful side of human, that I have already forgot for long time. Thank you!