Fail to be a counsellor

A bit disappointed. Getting back from the states for 2 days, I opened my mailbox and found the letter of rejection from the volunteer counsellor interview. This is the 2nd time of rejection since the Samaria. Although I found myself improved in these years, my personality is not suitable to be a counsellor. I kind of know it indeed. For I am impatient, eager to give advice and problem solving. That is not a practice of a professional councellor. Hence, I guess it's better that I don't invest my time and money in this area. Despite of that, I get to know myself more after this experience. I will keep finding a way to develop my gift.

Where I Have Been

http://douweosinga.com/projects/visitedcountries

Sisters chat

It's a wonderful Valentine's day. Because of a bargain air ticket I coincidentally found at travelocity, I arrive LA on the 13th midnight. I invited little sister who lives in LA to a dinner on the 14th. Even better, she brought me to fellowship. It's a Taiwanese fellowship group that sister goes every Wednesday. That night, I got a lot from the fellowship meeting and felt the spirit in worship. They have stable spiritual life and very willing to share.

She told her fellowship that I am the one to tell her about God. I ashamed. But God's work is amazing and incredible. After all these years, we both experience a lot and yet God heals our relationship and let us be in the bond of love. I love my sister so much and wish her all the best.

The goal of this trip is to have quality sharing with her and support her in spiritual life. I feel grateful for the first time to worship with my little sister. Happy for her to have a support group there. God lets us have intimate chat. He broke our gap, built trust between us, allowed me to show love to her. God also changed her to be more caring and patient and less self-centered. God lets her experience illness and things may be out of our control. I found this trip successful and gain a lot myself. Hope her and brother there live well and continue to seek God's way.

Arrival at the Big apple

Terrible flying. 15 hours from HK to NY. Especially that I was sore throat and had flu symptom last night. How come the technology still not able to deliver us in shorter time from one place to another? It is really a torture. Getting off the flight at 1pm NY time. Extremely dizzy and sleepy. $55 US the cap brought us to Manhattan. Despite the freezy wind, the weather is perfect. Sky is damn clear with sunshine and a few fluffy cloud. Just a bridge distance to Manhattan, the whole postcard view was coming to my sight. Empire Building, old fashion bridge, all kind of thin but tall high rise in various style shaping the town. I was exciting (although not my first time here). We stay at Best Western very close to the Broadway theatres. Hotel is very old and wore out fortunately neat enough to be unconscious until now 3:30am. Still muscle pain, I wonder how many days it takes to leave me alone. Tomorrow I plan to go for museums. Hope this trip with great fun with family. Looking forward to see sister.

Start with love

Monday becomes Sauna day with mother. Frankly, it's not my plan. I don't want to see her every week. I need buffer between us or I get impatient and stressed. God is training me to have intimacy with people. He trains me because I am the daughter he loves. And it's for my own good. In that case, I have to try accepting it. Mother came yesterday. She was not well but better control in her emotion. When I peeked her eating what I cooked for her in the mirror, I felt satisfied and happy. When we shared the couch watching TV together, I felt relax and comfy. Yes I am that simple. When I have love inside, it's not that hard to do anymore.

Sin Stops us from hearing God

Sin-offering is important because God hates sin. Before we can see God, understand his words, get intimate with Him, Know God's point of view, we have to confess our sin and pray for cleaning. That's why God used plenty of time and paragraphs to show Moses how to choose sheep, how to burn, who can do it, how the ceremony should be held. It is important! Most of the time, we are eager to request and busy on complaining and questioning. We forget the reason we are unable to hear God is that we have sin. Eventually, we don't realize our sin and neglect his words. Lost the ability on differentiating from holy and common, unclean and clean. Whenever there is distance between God and us, it's most likely our sin.
When Alan's sons used their own way burning strange fire to God, God killed them. The reason is God will be sanctified and glorified before his people. Why would God so angry about that? I only think of God teaches us the respect on him. Our attitude when taking his words is what he really care. He is God and he should be glorified. But we most of the time not taking his words that serious. When we are serving God especially, we must particularly stick with his bible. When we are in front of his people, we must particularly glorify him instead of using our own way, or glorifying ourselves. Leviticus 8-10

Insight from an interview

I was in an interview of counselling volunteer. I was exciting and looking forward to it. I prayed before I get in. I pray for the peace, calm, and if God thinks I can go for it, let me pass. I was calm enough during. It was a group interview and then a individual interview by two interviewers. I have some insight from this interview indeed. One interviewer told me she observed me with suitable elements in counsellor but not seeing any confident in me. That make me unstable when presenting myself. I don't see what I have myself and I don't have the gut to shout out loud that I have it. I have the empathy inside and it's the most important element. But I keep focus on skill and training or whether am I patient enough to be a counsellor.

I must confess I am never a confident person in my entire life. There was once I thought I am but turning into blindly gut and rebellion in most young people. Especially now, I am still emotionally weak and unstable. I am not sure of my capacity in my love and patient. Even doubt my ability in controlling my temper and emotions. Maybe I need to see my counsellor. Will I be able to live without self-confident? Will I be able to get in intimacy in future with that wound? I don't know. For the volunteer job, I will be glad to be trained in counselling and have chance in helping in the center. But I trust their ability in knowing whether I am suitable. And I believe God will lead me in or away.