Work Hard, Play Hard?!

My philosophy: work hard, play hard. Many say it. Very few can do it. The problem is to get the balance. Some work too much. Some lose their mind in playing.

I am basically a lay back person. I excuse for my health condition. Then decorate it with lifestyle. Well, you know... coffee, jazz, wine, cozy home, relationship, bla bla bla.... Recently, I found that I am much more healthier than I thought. And I found lifestyle alone can't present the texture of life. A rich and fruitful life is not that simple.

Whenever I feel not happy with my life, I begin to work work work. Try to get satisfaction from achievement. Short-term or long term goals... Goal setting, planning, progress to success is what I do to fulfill my mind and empty feeling.

Falling into the trap of BUSY- being under satan's yoke, I eventually lose myself. At last I usually find my soul in relationships, karaoke, bars and moody. Hopefully, Jesus would come pick me up. Drive me home. Pack me to sleep. Feed me with love and wisdom words. The Lord is my sherperd I shall not want!

Jesus says to me recently, "Come be with me. Talk to me. Play with me. Play seriously but not be afraid to gain or lose. Listen to me with heart. Share with me. Let me participate in your daily life. I want to give you a richer and more fruitful life." Waiting for my reply... ...

Homeless Girl

For unknown reason, I've been always feel like being a homeless. No root, insecure, too adapted, and too enjoy home of others. Making a summary of my footprint so far, here comes my route. Prince Edward -> MeiFoo -> Robinson Rd -> back to MeiFoo -> Kamloops->Fresno->MeiFoo again->Antibes->Paris->MeiFoo->Yuet Sau->SanPoKong Plaza->Fairway Garden->SaiKung Recently, I've been moving every 2 years. Moving is not that tiring. Instead it's very much exciting for having new environment to live in that symbolizes a new life. I like that feeling. Then I am more and more into home decor. To turn a cruel plain house into a cozy home is a very fun part of moving. Of course shopping around for home decor stuffs plays an important role. It's like getting to know a new friend. From feeling distant to getting comfortable, it's very exotic. It can become anything, any style, any mood depends on how I do with it. Different curtain can bring out a total different character of the house. But I must confess from time to time, I feel homeless. After all the "adjouter" of my taste to the house, I still feel empty. Because there was no one to wait for me at home. Every time I open the door with my key, I couldn't expect someone to welcome me with hug. There was no dinner waiting for me. No one to share the laugh and tears during the soap opera marathon. I am homeless even though I have my own home with over 1000 sq fts. Even that, before I can change my status, zipping my caffeine-free herbal tea with honey with "boy meets girl" would give me some comfort for a while.

Angel or Evil ?

Every day of living, we encounter so many Angel/Evil. It required spiritual wisdom to be able to deal with them and to be safe. The first week of this work, I met this angel-like person. This person told me to protect myself from getting hurt by someone closed to me." Then we became friends starting to share spiritual experience, background, family, to exchange present, to grow together and support each other at work place. But then I eventually figure this person is very sensitive , emotional, defensive, and find the negative thought to be sophisticated and wisdom. This person is spreading around the negative power in the office and I do not like it. Wait a minute, I should have known this person for long time. Who is it? Ah.. That was me! I was very emotional. I enjoyed negative thought. I liked to get attention with my tragic feeling. I even got irritated with always-optimistic-people. I would counsel them to be more realistic and be more able to protect themselves. That's was me! I was spreading negative power everywhere. Hopefully, I was not like that anymore. God changed me and now He is training me to be a more charming person. I would not need to be attractive using my tragic stories. Moreover, I can use my experience to help others and be more understanding. Even that, I was hurt by this Angel. Last week, this person was beginning to throw sharp words to me, against me, accused me and distrusted me. Just because I was too aggressive and too task-oriented in this job. (For sure, there are things I need to learn from this incident especially on relationship) But it was just too ironic that this person personally presented the meaning of our first conversation. Yesterday angel. Tomorrow evil. I can only say.. Human beings are weak. They hurt you before they realize it. Well... To be sheep is good. But just always be prepared to speak snake's language anytime and anywhere. Or may He trained me to be hurt without scar. So I have everlasting love for the most unlovable person like myself and this person at work.

He said "Calm Down and Rest with Him!"

John 1:12-13 The Spirit immediately drove him out into the wilderness. And he was in the wilderness forty days, tempted by Satan; and he was with the wild beasts; and the angels ministered to him.

John 1:30-31 Now Simon's mother-in-law lay sick with a fever, and immediately they told him of her.

John 1:35 And in the morning, a great while before day, he rose and went out to a lonely place, and there he prayed.

John 2:15 And as he sat at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners were sitting with Jesus and his disciples; for there were many who followed him. John 2:27 And he said to them, "The sabbath was made for man, not man for the sabbath; John 3:5 And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, .... John 3:25 And if a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. "But God, who is rich in mercy, out of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead through our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with him, and made us sit with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, " Ephesians 2:4-6

To sit with Him in peace is our rights, and also our duty. Knowing how to rely on Him, how to be in peace is everything to us. We then no longer struggle nonstop for meaningless things in life. Instead we can rest in peace in Him. Letting the Holy one to complete for us. We may not see or even feel, but God works only when our soul is calm and peaceful. So rest, stay calm and peace with Him is extremely helpful in any activities. Remember, nothing is more interfering than an anxious and oppressive soul in His plan and work on us and others.

To Be or Not To Be ... A Grown-Up ?

It was a question I frequently ask myself and God because 6 month of counseling is almost over. Summing up my learning, I was taught to be an emotionally stable person, a responsible person and to be myself. Emotionally stable and responsible huh! It was so ironic. If I become such person, is that myself anymore? To be a grown-up, that is, I have to accept people's expectations. I have to do what they want me to. I am not allow to let them down or surprise them in any irresponsible way. I must walk on the track for the rest of my life. I am framed. If I have a say, I love to be different. I love to be spoiled and loved eventhough I am emotional and sometimes irresponsible. I deserve to be loved and repected because I AM a lovable person. I know love, I can share feelings, I understand and I am sincere. Don't I qualify for an exemption to be molded into a not-me? Struggling drives me crazy and make me feel so tired. To be or not to be a grown-up... It's not our choice.

October - the month of Concerts

Haven't stepped in stadium for long time. Well, first no partners to go with. Eventually, lost interest in concerts. Growing up with canton pop. Couldn't live without it. Every life incident has its own theme song. Now that people are gone and things are different. But 80's canton pop stars suddenly all come back and open concerts. Ok then. Let's them pick our pockets. For we know very much... that it's the memories we are actually purchasing. "Grasshopper" concert is a good show I must say. Well at least to our age of people. Strong beat, dance, shouting, disco lighting.... all bring us back to young time. To the time we were innocent and wild. To the time we dare to love and hate. To the time we believed we own the world. To the time we never needed to sleep. Music and beat brings us back. It is clearer and clearer. The little girl was wild and crazy and bold. The boy she loved or maybe she wasn't sure at that time. The crazy thing she did with people who she already lost contact with. She dances with the beat and screams even louder than before. Coz unconsciously she knew this is most probably the last chance to give herself out. Familiar pop songs brings her back and forth in the time. Hurt and happiness flashed like crazy. She couldn't really tell the taste of the feeling. The only thing she could do was to sink into the beat. But it's a good show. After all, there are love. Love brings people back together. There are still love in world. 7 years of marriage and tears in eyes were evidence. Witnessing others love life is warm in heart yet bittering. She... driving back home and wishing upon the stars. Wishing next time "Grasshopper" can witness her love.

Je parle!

I am going to speak. To the deep down hiden self. To the world. To someone I love and someone I hate. To God. To the mystery viewers. Anyway, I am going to speak. To speak out loud like I never did before. When I finally speak, I hope someone is sharing with me somewhere... out there.