Today I accompany J to meet online dog trader. They are couples already seem not very nice in the beginning. The led us through a the escalator to a dark street. They show us the puppy from their bag. J hold it and we begin a chat. I ask them few questions about the dog. They begin to force J to buy. I try to stop her. When J says she need to think. They begin to shout at us especially me. They insist I am a trader too and not serious buyer wasting their time. They use lots of rude words and I was very offend and angry. There is a very long time I haven't get into a quarrel with strangers. And I was so unprepared! When the man steps forward to me I was threat but not afraid at all. When he threats to follow us to my "pet shop", I threat back to call police. I don't know why I get so angry but I kind of relief after having the chance to shout at someone with a rational reason. J was shocked after we left on the train. She kept apologize to me for getting me into such trouble. I surprise why I was not afraid but I am now. What if I met them on the street alone? Why is there a little bit of proud to be a bitch?

So Stress lately! Dad's company is closing. Coming 3 months are critical. Don't want to get into anymore debt. Let him close it gracefully. Their lives will be different so as mine. I couldn't imagine how it would be but I must believe it will be fine. I know who holds tomorrow. I wish we can be health and wealthy now and then. I hate worrying about tomorrow. I hate those muscle pain. My headache is killing me. God release me from silly future.

So relief! 3 days 2 nights for 8 chapters and 2 quizes of psychology. Very interesting, tired and self satisfacting!

First date with this 40 years old christian. Should be the 1st christian I date all these years. He is average looking (not prince charming though) not tall but really calm and noble. We chat w coffee then dine at udon restaurant. I talked too much and quite stupid. I told him I tend to be talkative when stress?!?! No response from him! Anyway, he added me at FB asked me out to movie next week. For I want to keep it low, will bring friends together hoping him with no offense.

Close friend F is facing lost of mother. She's too calm and positive making me worry a bit. But I know God s taking care of her. Glad I involved in the macau trip with she and her mom last year. Never know the trip becomes one treasurable memory to her now. Do whatever to reduce regret someday! It's what I learnt. Can't stand regret anymore too much stress from it! For this belief, I can say I love you to mom and dad. And I AM a transmitter of God's love to them! Holyspirit, bless our family! bless F!

To be asserted - so important to many people. 40 years of business life, now I need to assist my dad to end it. It is not easy for him but he is brave! I am glad for the supports from F and J(cell group). I m glad I m not alone because family gather and support in such moment. I m glad dad and I communicate so well in this incident. I m glad I grow up in loving and taking care of others. I even let mom to prepare for future financially. She assure me of my contribution in the business and the family. I ve value in this family. They need me! I actually make her glad to have me. just that little thought from her is what I longing for all these years! Anyway I m glad!

The Blind Side

Love changes people. Change the world! There are critical moments, that you can lift a spirit up or just leave it there out of your life. There are moments you can act out Jesus' love. Follow holyspirit in your heart. Share what you have with the needy. True happiness are there for you. Love need energy and the energy comes from Jesus!

Mother need to do the examination but she is escaping. She cried the other day and I hugged her. Her life is truly miserable not because of her experience, but the way she dealt with it. She had never let go of anything, anyone. I can almost felt her heavy heart. Only Jesus can save her. V and M is praying. I know I am the one to execute. God I really need courage, wisdom and faith to talk her through. Also, I need to be healed for all the hurt she did to me. I need to be brave and strong in Him.

A sunday morning, I was sitting in a cafe having bf, waiting to serve at church service. 2 tables away from mine, there are a family sitting. The mother is braiding daughter's hair that caught my attention. They looked alike and both no expression on the face. Suddenly, the comb went to her eye and she began to rub it. Mother annoyed and stopped. While waiting, she started combing her own hair. Little girl keep rubbing until she finished. Then she picked up her little sister's book playfully. Mother combed her hair again. To most people, this is nothing special. But I am attracted to the nature harmony. Never once, I felt so comfortable to be with my mother. With her touching or being served by her, I was always anxious or even panic. Perhaps I long for harmony with my mother. Not only her but all my friends and family. Perhaps this is what I am missing for my whole life to be complete!

Bad dream again... So frustrated of bad dream reminding me all the past. I ask God, I haven't even think abt them. How can I stop them attacking me in the night. I really need to wake up refresh. In the dream, I met him again. He kept the same one length curly haircut. He brought me to the cha chan teng. In the dream, he got on my nerve again just like before. I felt familiar, intimacy, regret, but wait... there's no passion or affection. Then we found dad on the next table. I woke up and felt really tired, empty, alone, and helpless. What is this dream abt? I miss him? I want him back? I gotta kiss the past goodbye? I pray for strength and say goodbye to him when I awoke. It's torturing to keep having these dream every morning. Pls release me, free me from my past. I am ready to go!

I am sad. relationship make me sad. it reminds me of bad relationship, bad memory from the past. it reminds of all the loneliness with or without relationship. I should be exciting but I am sad. I am desperate but sad. I can't see your plan so I get even more hopeless. I am afraid. So nauseous and dizzy in waiting. Stress from the encouragement and support from friends. they all want me to end with happy marriage. they're my best friends. but I get cold feet. I need to back off. it's too hard for me. I pray hard but I cant find any strength. I cant stand any stress. the best i can do is to escape and lie. I feel very sick. what should i do? God I need your help!!

Should be at integrated exercise class right now. How many classes I've skipped in my life? Where can I find my motivation to do anything? How can I be persistent on anything? I am really frustrated inside. Because I know I m wasting my life. Already wasted half of my life. Jesus, how can I stop wasting my life like this. When can I learn how to commit and be responsible to at least myself? I have no confident at all to let anyone into my life. I mean how can I if I keep being so unstable, unreliable, and lack of energy and motivation? What positive energy I can bring to someone if I can't even do one thing completely? Jesus, am I sick inside or just being too lazy? Coz I really want to change but I can't do anything with it. Can u or anyone help me out of this!!

roomate

I think God send me this roommate to make me learn. We are both slow people. For a year of observation, we finally get along so well. We watched movies together. Shop together. Cook together. Lots of girls talk together about our family, relationship, past and future. Frankly she brought me back lots of college memory. Only more mature and know how to share. We have very similar way of thinking despite our background, experience, age even nation. If not for God to send her to me, how can I ever meet someone like her. She is leaving 2 mths from now. We become even closer. Thinking back this 2 years are charming and fruitful from merging in Joy and her. I no longer afraid of intimacy now because of meeting them. I really want us to be friends forever. I wish them all the best even not. I promise to grow each day in relationship and intimacy.

Testimony is very important in christian life. Have I ever do that after all that grace He has given to me? Am I afraid? Because there're many stuff that I can't tell. What exactly am I afraid of? I want my life to be bright as the light on the table. I want my life to magnify God. Maybe my faith isn't pure enough. Maybe I doubt when I pray. Maybe I am framed by what the world has taught me. Maybe I limit God's work on me. If that is so, Jesus please release me from all that fake. Please renew me and make me a child with pure heart in front of you. Please accept me, embrace me, use me.

It's true! God's promise his word is true. He said if I give him, he gives me back double. I decided to skip the CNY tour this year for donation to church and Haiti. This afternoon, I bought 15 5kg rice for needy. I got many helping hands all the way. I got sponsor. I got 2 free hotel stays. I got happy time with mom and dad the whole evening. But I lost my tiffiny ring. God pls help to fget it back.

Winnie the pooh jacket! God used it to pull mom and me back. That's God's humor! But I am glad he did. Coz she won't cut out my call now. God hears our pray that both v n I got it. several meaningful chat tonight. abt cell situation. abt life struggles. abt thanks we give to lord. be our provider. teach us to accept ur way - the best way for us we always believe and truth.

Movie: Malena (Giuseppe Tornatore)

Beauty is a gift. If it ever becomes sin, it's only because the surroundings are full of sin - men's lust, women's hated and jealousy. Because she is alone, silent, and in grief, she becomes an easy target. Because she is different, she is being punished. In a masculine society, you'll be surprise that both men and women take advantage of this widow. Isn't it sad that women do not stand for women? Isn't it shame that men do not protect the widow from the war? Isn't it scary that not a single person can stand out and say a justice word for her? Where is the gut of truth? Where is the love and sympathy that God had put in human? There is no good intention in the whole movie except at the end of the movie, the letter the boy wrote that brought Malena and her husband back together. Dark side of human was very uncomfortable to watch. Unfortunately, it happens not only in 1940 Sicily!

I woke up today tired and period. Day started w skipping hip hop class. Then unprofessional agent called for flat seeing. I expected to finalize a trip plan with my little friend e. However, end up being ditch. So hungry so I called dad for food delivery. I didn't know it would take him one whole hour. I got mad and throw it all to him on the phone. End up being both upset and guilty and I teared on food feeling really depress and lonely. Thinking of calling off the whole afternoon church thing. Inside, it told me not to. It's right! I heard a just-in-time mesage and had a great chat w cell (who cares only 3 of us). Dad called to tell me he bought nut cracker tickets. The whole day ends with 2 french movies with roommate and nice chat about living in France. am not the one going but same level of excitement for sure! When you think you are too down to do anything, your day is about to turn around! That's what I learnt from today!

French Cine

I will miss my roommate! Finally got a companion for french movies. Able to discuss after feel so great. Today we watched a thriller by Sophie Marceau. It was a total surprise. We talked and talked while waiting for minibus. We forgot to pay and made the whole bus waiting for us chatting back there! We were talking about student life in France. I envy her to be able to do it finally. Chasing for dream is something wonderful! I will miss her!

Cousin buddies

I was gonna bring 2 cousins to body check but dr was out of town. We end up spend the whole afternoon and evening at causeway bay shopping, having tea at cafe and snacking on the street. It was really fun and relaxing! We should do that from time to time.