The Blind Side

Love changes people. Change the world! There are critical moments, that you can lift a spirit up or just leave it there out of your life. There are moments you can act out Jesus' love. Follow holyspirit in your heart. Share what you have with the needy. True happiness are there for you. Love need energy and the energy comes from Jesus!

Mother need to do the examination but she is escaping. She cried the other day and I hugged her. Her life is truly miserable not because of her experience, but the way she dealt with it. She had never let go of anything, anyone. I can almost felt her heavy heart. Only Jesus can save her. V and M is praying. I know I am the one to execute. God I really need courage, wisdom and faith to talk her through. Also, I need to be healed for all the hurt she did to me. I need to be brave and strong in Him.

A sunday morning, I was sitting in a cafe having bf, waiting to serve at church service. 2 tables away from mine, there are a family sitting. The mother is braiding daughter's hair that caught my attention. They looked alike and both no expression on the face. Suddenly, the comb went to her eye and she began to rub it. Mother annoyed and stopped. While waiting, she started combing her own hair. Little girl keep rubbing until she finished. Then she picked up her little sister's book playfully. Mother combed her hair again. To most people, this is nothing special. But I am attracted to the nature harmony. Never once, I felt so comfortable to be with my mother. With her touching or being served by her, I was always anxious or even panic. Perhaps I long for harmony with my mother. Not only her but all my friends and family. Perhaps this is what I am missing for my whole life to be complete!

Bad dream again... So frustrated of bad dream reminding me all the past. I ask God, I haven't even think abt them. How can I stop them attacking me in the night. I really need to wake up refresh. In the dream, I met him again. He kept the same one length curly haircut. He brought me to the cha chan teng. In the dream, he got on my nerve again just like before. I felt familiar, intimacy, regret, but wait... there's no passion or affection. Then we found dad on the next table. I woke up and felt really tired, empty, alone, and helpless. What is this dream abt? I miss him? I want him back? I gotta kiss the past goodbye? I pray for strength and say goodbye to him when I awoke. It's torturing to keep having these dream every morning. Pls release me, free me from my past. I am ready to go!

I am sad. relationship make me sad. it reminds me of bad relationship, bad memory from the past. it reminds of all the loneliness with or without relationship. I should be exciting but I am sad. I am desperate but sad. I can't see your plan so I get even more hopeless. I am afraid. So nauseous and dizzy in waiting. Stress from the encouragement and support from friends. they all want me to end with happy marriage. they're my best friends. but I get cold feet. I need to back off. it's too hard for me. I pray hard but I cant find any strength. I cant stand any stress. the best i can do is to escape and lie. I feel very sick. what should i do? God I need your help!!

Should be at integrated exercise class right now. How many classes I've skipped in my life? Where can I find my motivation to do anything? How can I be persistent on anything? I am really frustrated inside. Because I know I m wasting my life. Already wasted half of my life. Jesus, how can I stop wasting my life like this. When can I learn how to commit and be responsible to at least myself? I have no confident at all to let anyone into my life. I mean how can I if I keep being so unstable, unreliable, and lack of energy and motivation? What positive energy I can bring to someone if I can't even do one thing completely? Jesus, am I sick inside or just being too lazy? Coz I really want to change but I can't do anything with it. Can u or anyone help me out of this!!

roomate

I think God send me this roommate to make me learn. We are both slow people. For a year of observation, we finally get along so well. We watched movies together. Shop together. Cook together. Lots of girls talk together about our family, relationship, past and future. Frankly she brought me back lots of college memory. Only more mature and know how to share. We have very similar way of thinking despite our background, experience, age even nation. If not for God to send her to me, how can I ever meet someone like her. She is leaving 2 mths from now. We become even closer. Thinking back this 2 years are charming and fruitful from merging in Joy and her. I no longer afraid of intimacy now because of meeting them. I really want us to be friends forever. I wish them all the best even not. I promise to grow each day in relationship and intimacy.

Testimony is very important in christian life. Have I ever do that after all that grace He has given to me? Am I afraid? Because there're many stuff that I can't tell. What exactly am I afraid of? I want my life to be bright as the light on the table. I want my life to magnify God. Maybe my faith isn't pure enough. Maybe I doubt when I pray. Maybe I am framed by what the world has taught me. Maybe I limit God's work on me. If that is so, Jesus please release me from all that fake. Please renew me and make me a child with pure heart in front of you. Please accept me, embrace me, use me.

It's true! God's promise his word is true. He said if I give him, he gives me back double. I decided to skip the CNY tour this year for donation to church and Haiti. This afternoon, I bought 15 5kg rice for needy. I got many helping hands all the way. I got sponsor. I got 2 free hotel stays. I got happy time with mom and dad the whole evening. But I lost my tiffiny ring. God pls help to fget it back.

Winnie the pooh jacket! God used it to pull mom and me back. That's God's humor! But I am glad he did. Coz she won't cut out my call now. God hears our pray that both v n I got it. several meaningful chat tonight. abt cell situation. abt life struggles. abt thanks we give to lord. be our provider. teach us to accept ur way - the best way for us we always believe and truth.

Movie: Malena (Giuseppe Tornatore)

Beauty is a gift. If it ever becomes sin, it's only because the surroundings are full of sin - men's lust, women's hated and jealousy. Because she is alone, silent, and in grief, she becomes an easy target. Because she is different, she is being punished. In a masculine society, you'll be surprise that both men and women take advantage of this widow. Isn't it sad that women do not stand for women? Isn't it shame that men do not protect the widow from the war? Isn't it scary that not a single person can stand out and say a justice word for her? Where is the gut of truth? Where is the love and sympathy that God had put in human? There is no good intention in the whole movie except at the end of the movie, the letter the boy wrote that brought Malena and her husband back together. Dark side of human was very uncomfortable to watch. Unfortunately, it happens not only in 1940 Sicily!

I woke up today tired and period. Day started w skipping hip hop class. Then unprofessional agent called for flat seeing. I expected to finalize a trip plan with my little friend e. However, end up being ditch. So hungry so I called dad for food delivery. I didn't know it would take him one whole hour. I got mad and throw it all to him on the phone. End up being both upset and guilty and I teared on food feeling really depress and lonely. Thinking of calling off the whole afternoon church thing. Inside, it told me not to. It's right! I heard a just-in-time mesage and had a great chat w cell (who cares only 3 of us). Dad called to tell me he bought nut cracker tickets. The whole day ends with 2 french movies with roommate and nice chat about living in France. am not the one going but same level of excitement for sure! When you think you are too down to do anything, your day is about to turn around! That's what I learnt from today!

French Cine

I will miss my roommate! Finally got a companion for french movies. Able to discuss after feel so great. Today we watched a thriller by Sophie Marceau. It was a total surprise. We talked and talked while waiting for minibus. We forgot to pay and made the whole bus waiting for us chatting back there! We were talking about student life in France. I envy her to be able to do it finally. Chasing for dream is something wonderful! I will miss her!

Cousin buddies

I was gonna bring 2 cousins to body check but dr was out of town. We end up spend the whole afternoon and evening at causeway bay shopping, having tea at cafe and snacking on the street. It was really fun and relaxing! We should do that from time to time.

Pop music

Karaoke whenever I wore out. I felt open up after. For a short period. Then even more lonely. Songs attracted me are usually w strong negative emotion (I just can't tell why). Maybe that's the reason. Just read an article talking abt how Satan use pop music to interfere our subconsciousness in worshipping him. Scary! If that's true, I was cured by pop music throughout my life and I don't even know. Somehow pop has less influence to me now. But how about other stuffs like movies, parties, dances, luxury indulgence, etc. I'm different from other christians. Is these the reasons? Jesus would you give me wisdom to select so I can freely get close to you.

Waiting for a Job

Torture! waiting for a job at my favorite ngo. If I don't get any of the 2 post, I really don't know why God gave me interview. Already over a week. Chance getting lower. My heat sink deeper. My self esteem hit the bottom. I really don't know how to go on...

Friendship

Waiting for the result of a job. Feel insecure, anxious and sad. Especially in freezing days, really wanna surrounded by someone who loves me. Friendship, I got many that sometimes I don't realize. They appear when I cry for help from the inside. Some call me hello. Some welcome me to dinner. Some bring me to a nice tea buffet. Some shop around w me. Some accompany me to Jim Carrey's 3D movie. Some, thinks of me n text me. Even a caring facebook message is just what I need. In coming thanks giving, I would thank God to treat me w all these great friends. And I pray for the capacity of being one for them. Bless those in need just like I do now.

Being Single and Fabulous

Just got back from counseling class. I'm pretty encourage. Being single is v lonely and usually have no one to share with. How can we be single and fabulous at the same time?
1. God loves both singles and couples
2. Don't get too independent
3. Get used to be w couples, provide support and learn abt family from them
4. Mind free from "single"
5. Take "single" as another trail in life. No diff fr any other difficulty in life
6. Share love w children, family, those in need, friends etc to fulfill the need of loving n being loved
7. Single is a state not a stage that I don't need to get married to be completed or be mature
8. 獨身not equal to 單身. Totally unnecessary to define or label self.
9. Learn & practice dealing w intimacy
10. Live at the moment! Single girlfriends, be happy n fabulous n be prepared!

Nick Vujicic

Watched 2 Nick's talk this week. Frankly, not that impressive than expected. Cold hearted in city like HK. Not easy to please us. Well, he's only 26. He'll be better in terms of skill. He's too tired coming back n forth between hk, china. It took him much more energy than we do to give such a speech though. He kept saying he love us although I couldn't feel it. How come I find the whole thing a bit commercial? Well, God is using him to get into forbidden countries. He has the vision and he's doing it. He, president of 2 NGO, plans to raise 120 billion per year to help the needy. For that I am touch. Not by his speech but his work. Nick, keep it up! Pray for your health.

Tutoring H today. When just arrived, a severe pain from stomach hit on me. H noticed my pain. Ran out and got 2 herbal oil for me. Instructed me to apply at toilet. And pain actually gone after. He asked me when to do the check up at hospital and if any advice from his mother is required. He's a sweetheart! No wonder I love him so much even he's not smart and easy to tutor... can't get it all right! The world told us intelligent, but I say kindness win, always do!