Friendship

Waiting for the result of a job. Feel insecure, anxious and sad. Especially in freezing days, really wanna surrounded by someone who loves me. Friendship, I got many that sometimes I don't realize. They appear when I cry for help from the inside. Some call me hello. Some welcome me to dinner. Some bring me to a nice tea buffet. Some shop around w me. Some accompany me to Jim Carrey's 3D movie. Some, thinks of me n text me. Even a caring facebook message is just what I need. In coming thanks giving, I would thank God to treat me w all these great friends. And I pray for the capacity of being one for them. Bless those in need just like I do now.

Being Single and Fabulous

Just got back from counseling class. I'm pretty encourage. Being single is v lonely and usually have no one to share with. How can we be single and fabulous at the same time?
1. God loves both singles and couples
2. Don't get too independent
3. Get used to be w couples, provide support and learn abt family from them
4. Mind free from "single"
5. Take "single" as another trail in life. No diff fr any other difficulty in life
6. Share love w children, family, those in need, friends etc to fulfill the need of loving n being loved
7. Single is a state not a stage that I don't need to get married to be completed or be mature
8. 獨身not equal to 單身. Totally unnecessary to define or label self.
9. Learn & practice dealing w intimacy
10. Live at the moment! Single girlfriends, be happy n fabulous n be prepared!

Nick Vujicic

Watched 2 Nick's talk this week. Frankly, not that impressive than expected. Cold hearted in city like HK. Not easy to please us. Well, he's only 26. He'll be better in terms of skill. He's too tired coming back n forth between hk, china. It took him much more energy than we do to give such a speech though. He kept saying he love us although I couldn't feel it. How come I find the whole thing a bit commercial? Well, God is using him to get into forbidden countries. He has the vision and he's doing it. He, president of 2 NGO, plans to raise 120 billion per year to help the needy. For that I am touch. Not by his speech but his work. Nick, keep it up! Pray for your health.

Tutoring H today. When just arrived, a severe pain from stomach hit on me. H noticed my pain. Ran out and got 2 herbal oil for me. Instructed me to apply at toilet. And pain actually gone after. He asked me when to do the check up at hospital and if any advice from his mother is required. He's a sweetheart! No wonder I love him so much even he's not smart and easy to tutor... can't get it all right! The world told us intelligent, but I say kindness win, always do!

Magic Flute in HK

My first Magic Flute opera tonight. Going w roomate. We talked abt what to wear last nite. Brought me back to 20+. We met at burger restaurant. She had veg burger. I got stomachache for weeks so I had only the meat w mushroom on salsa sauce. When we walked from Harbor city to Cultural ctr, felt the confident and fun. But when we got there we noticed the show should be 30 mins earlier. The costume looked so pretty. Melodies are familiar. The soprano queen of the night sang really great. It's funny that so many fatty on the stage. We thought only fatty get the capacity for opera singing. It was a nice cultural evening if not my stomach got stressed during and after the Flute!

I was calling F to Nick show coz I got an extra ticket. End up finding out she's in need. Her mom at hospital. The current tube work no more and they need to put another one on her other arm. F was worrying not only her condition, but financially she n her 2 bros will hire a maid for their mom since she could no longer do the regular kidney cleanup independently. We came out, shared, and started praying at ice-cream restaurant. We both felt like hugging each other when praying. We did right before we left. It was spiritually fulfilling 2 of us. Thanks God 4 letting us pray together!

Another housing issue family-wise: only this is a luxury version. Ma and v bought a house together jeopardizing their/our relationship(if there is any). Our family norm is money. Although we were brought up differently. Amazing huh! I guess the bad mother side effect was severe although we never mention. After all, I conclude greed is the sin to cause this result. Aftermath is uncontrollable. They both cracked down, exhausted, ruin... It dig out our family dark side that we've buried for years. Maybe God thinks it's time to confront w it(her). I just ask God to give v and I strength, wisdom and love. And don't let us ruin your name.

Got this pressure from family members on the issue of sis new flat. They blame me for finding such expensive flat for her. Stuck her in this financial situation. In the past, I would start blaming myself. But on this issue, I pray all the way and both m and I see God's hand all the way through. How would it be a mistake? Still I worry her pressure in finding a flatmate. But I m gonna ask God to lead.

Day out with Lars: Lars is a german I met at a guitar bar in BJ. I don't expect we would actually meet again. Six hours we talked a lot on the minibus, walking in causeway bay, at sidewalk cafe in stanley, at cha chan teng, and at a pub. There are many similar thoughts between us. It was not fun but really comfortable being with him despite my limited expression. We talked about love, travel, politics(the most we talking abt) work, dream... but there seems not to be romance. Maybe he is testing me. Maybe there's no chemistry. Dunno whatever... it's was a brilliant date though. Who care if we'll see again.

About Henry: The last time I saw him was beginning of Sept. I could see he planned the whole date carefully and I was actually moved. After our dinner, at a hotel lobby and a philippine singer, he once again asked me to choose him. I knew that was last time he asked. But I just know he was just a date. So that was it! It was in total 4 months we've been dating. He's a nice guy who inspired me a lot in relationship. I still think about him sometimes. But I wish him find his love and don't get too hurt from me.

I got 2 good news today. One is my camera has been fixed. I can send claim form in time and bring it to my trip. Second is my student K got the admission of the prestige school. I've been intensively tutoring for his school interview. His mom called me and I was so happy for them!

I got this email from sis end of May. I felt so bad that it took me more than a month to read that. She was crying out for help from me. I called her immediately. When I thought she was at work, she's at home coz it was memorial day there. Thank God for the timing. She blamed me a little and I apologized. But I was really glad that she overcame. When she told me how mom was being ridiculous to her, I was judgmental. But she told me what she'd learnt. How she prayed for her. How many supports were from church friends. God brought her through. She won with God. I regret that I couldn't support her in the most critical time. But I thank God for listening to my prayer earlier and after. Once again, nothing is in our hand but His! Give thanks to Him.

No more Tummy in September!!!

Coming back from china trip, met H yesterday. His experience in marriage always convinces me in new love angle. He reminds me when I fall in love now. Don't be too experienced. Don't think too much. Don't apply examples from friends. Try to be flexible because 3+ already make us too stubborn. Unlike 20+ who can easily adapt into someone else life style. I feel like still miles away from true love.

Finally MJ...

A sad day. Received bad news of MJ in the morning. Read a lot of his positive and negative life. Remind me of my school life. Went to spa but I was surprise how sad it made me. For the whole day, ex C kept ran into my mind. How he loved me and how he hurt me kept coming up. My heart sank. Probably because he used to like MJ. Otherwise I can't think of any other reason. Even a comedy show couldn't light up my evening. It was a sad day! I only wish it won't go on to tmr. coz tmr I need strength to fight. Will bring dad to church.

Another thanks giving. God give me this chance and great partner to visit BJ. Love him so much. Thanks for closing down schools. Thanks for Dad's bday gift a new professional camera. Well, it's pretty heavy to me but photos taken are REALLY impressed! Looking forward to build me new trip album.

God is faithful. He listen to my prayer. Lead me on every single step. I understand now a little bit more how to listen to God's voice. When I pray for God's will, he whisper in my heart. Hold my hand and draw the dot and line. What I do is to listen carefully. Trust him not doubt. Do what he whisper in my heart bit by bit. Voila! The whole picture is so beautiful! Praise him and thanks him! (experience of finding a flat for m)

Time flies fast. I will be passing most of the 30s by tomorrow. I must be more aggressive in living well. Feel like counting down from now. Family, career, purpose of life, where is my ultimate goal? At least get one hit in coming 3 years. Keep energetic, stay young, keep hoping! The most importantly, don't compare! Living up my life full and meaning. Love is what I wanna focus on. Anyway, dined w best friend and sis, nice and cozy. Drink with friends at hotel bar. Finishing with hugs at subway. I thank God for all the love. Love messages from sweet friends. Not far from my LOVE goal. Only waiting a special love one coming up pretty soon!

There is a friend same age as mine in another country. We haven't met and contact for long time. I guess since she got married. We kind of walking through diff stages together. But she always faster than me. She always chose the smarter way. If this is the end, she got what everybody wants and I got nothing. A husband, 2 kids, a nice flat of her own, a master degree from overseas and a good stable job. We used to dream together about our future. Now I felt scare to keep in touch with her. Not easy to face her. BUT... I shall not think in this way. She is my friend for all this time. No matter what happen to our lives, we re friends. At least givin her this thought to look for me in her newly open a/c at facebook. That means something! Plus, I am walking on a good track in God's eyes. I dare to be different as long as it's right! I will bravely walk on my way.... find my way out....continue my exotic life with God.

praying partner

Even though relationship doesn't work out, I feel blessed I got this prayer partner. Ideally, we pray according to psalm once a week. It s not easy to continue due to mood, work stuff, etc. However, we got gear up after each prayer. God is so real and he is so listen to our prayer. I am glad to do it because I really need it. Lately, I've been sinking into cyber again. Only this time is different that deep down there is a voice saying no to it. I ve been bad temper, refusing phone call and meet up, skipping classes even job. But then the other way is grabbing me with this church volunteer work, gathering and prayer plus sweet angels connection with me. Where else can I go? God please lead me to right track so I won't shame you. Because without you, I can do nothing!