praying partner

Even though relationship doesn't work out, I feel blessed I got this prayer partner. Ideally, we pray according to psalm once a week. It s not easy to continue due to mood, work stuff, etc. However, we got gear up after each prayer. God is so real and he is so listen to our prayer. I am glad to do it because I really need it. Lately, I've been sinking into cyber again. Only this time is different that deep down there is a voice saying no to it. I ve been bad temper, refusing phone call and meet up, skipping classes even job. But then the other way is grabbing me with this church volunteer work, gathering and prayer plus sweet angels connection with me. Where else can I go? God please lead me to right track so I won't shame you. Because without you, I can do nothing!

Moody, headache, broke up message, heavy shoulders and PMS. Don't get close to me coz I can be really dangerous now. Anger, lust, guilty, loneliness are teasing me. headache headache....

Recently dating H. Not handsome, not well educated, not funny at all. Just not sure why I found it romantic when we were trapped in the cable car in the heavy mist. One second I wanted to rest my head on his shoulder. He is calculative, realistic, willing to share true feeling and enjoy controlling women. Totally not my type. But again I'm not sure why I feel comfortable talking to him for hours. Why I am somewhat moved when he be frank to me. Why I eventually am trying to fit into his request. I bet no matter what, it won't go anywhere. Because I love dream more than life. His tactic, playing hard-to-get really disgust me. I mean come on, I invented that! According to my history, it's time to ditch him. The question is, when will this pattern be changed? I am tired.

Watched 6 french movies lately. Proud of myself for still capable of understanding. It was nice to have my roommate to bought discount tickets and watched with me. Only yesterday, I watched alone the one that really upset me. It dig out something in the past and made me so sad that I could hardly cry. I was exhausted walking out of the cinema and I called F. She couldn't comfort me because she didn't know the incident. However, she gave 100% support as a good friend. Then I called J but couldn't reach her. I was wandering around the mall and got H's stood-up message. Even worse! Both past and recent relationship did not working on me. I feel like a loser. Thank God J returned the called and offered to accompany me. We went swimming and had fun at her brother's house. Having J to share with who knows my past and never look down on me really making me feel good. I bet I just need to commit the sin to God and let Him heal me.

After the trip, I find myself crazy for everything in an indian way. Indians I met in TST began to catch my attentions. The Masala I cooked in the morning .. so exotic! The movie Slumdog millionaire .. can't wait to watch it. The girls dressed in traditional indian clothes I saw in MTR were so pretty. Almost wanna go make friends with them. Just watched the atv program "slavery in india" telling us uneducated underage girls being sold as a slave, working from 4am to midnight, suffering from sex and physical abused everyday without any help. One even found in a prostitute building living with her family there. It reminds me of the faces of the poor kids at some monuments. It hooked my heart now. I wished more ppl to help the girls out and to change their mindset.

I don't like this feeling. Someone borrowed my stuff and chose to disconnect with me at the same time. I told him we should be friends and he stopped giving me call. I find it mean and no manner at all. However, what can I do. Not worth to keep a friend like that so I don't wanna give him call. I tried to online, he's there but no hello at all. No manner! Begin to worry about my stuff in his hand. I am giving him 1-2 more weeks. Or I will get it back. Next time, don't lend someone anything if he is pursuing you!

J bursted out after seeing her ex. After more than 3 mths now. She'd tried very hard that I m really proud of her. Still we women hearts are so fragile and sensitive. God has his way to heal us. For the procedure maybe painful. But Im sure we'll be stronger and healthier and know more about love. So many love going on around me. But I chose to end it right there. I pray for the right move and direction. Am I getting scared again or he s just not the one? Pls let me know..

Travel to Neverland

It's cool to be Peter Pan. Refuse to grow up with pride. Got the power to remain happy and be free to do whatever I want. Only thing to give up is incapable of loving others. I was living everyday freely and irresponsibly with lots of jealousy eyes looking at me. However, since when I figure it's no longer cool. How come the fun I got aren't enough to keep me flying? How come incapable of loving others began to irritate me? Why am I envy the grown up when they are so jealous that I can live my own way? Since when my life seems so empty behind the fest? Bible tells us love is the center of living. And hence I begin to learn to love myself and others. I know I can handle it well. Because "I believe in fairy! I do! I do!" I believe the goodness in human and the righteousness and unlimited love from the above that I can always go back to!

Benjamin Button

Life is short. But we want thing to be last. Why can't we stop asking for forever? Why can't we accept and appreciate the moment? Benjamin Button, a person who was born to live backward. That make him learn more than the others. Although he may not enjoy the happiness of growing, he surely know how to treasure every moment in life. He first learn to face life and death. Accept it and respect it. Have the courage to leave the loved one and explore the world. Love but not addicted to relationship. Never spend time on chasing after money. Know when to let go. Know when to go home. Seize the moment enjoy love and life.

I am standing there all alone
with a heavy body
hard to move one step
but I keep moving telling myself goal is ahead
it's a dead end road I suspect lately
my will falls apart
faith flies away
with a heavy body
I am standing there alone and confused

Dinner with cell on Saturday evening. There is negative feeling since mid autumn towards cell. I so wanna drop off. Been hearing too many bad thing about it and about church. The feeling become complicated and couldn't let out. Then I am attacked. Been in this cell for 1 1/2 years. I wanna think it through If I had ever get anything from it. Are they someone I trust. Are they someone I seek for pray and help when I need. In contrast, i did remember a few time being criticised. Am I growing? Are they with me? God I really wanna know if that's a sign of leaving or just influenced by others. God I wanna know if I ever will have someone to walk with. cell becomes frustrating. but I m serving and is that ok? God my road is being rougher, pls lead me out.

What do we work for? I love my job. Comfortable environment. Nice people. The job nature is what I want. Take part in ending poverty. Office close to my home. What more can I ask for. But it is a part time job, no benefit, and no position even though what I am doing is actually something. The pay... I am not happy with. The commitment, job load, time I spent there way too much then my pay. Now the question come again, what do we all work for? If I like the job and don't wanna lose it, should I fight for my wage? If I am starting to calculate with them, am I really loving my job as I said. I bet the bad news about the worldwide enconomy is making some impact to my finacial management. I become insecure to the future in terms of how much I could save now. God doesn't treat me bad. I mean who else can get this stable income, and can choose to do what I want at the same time. I should be thankful but since when I find it not enough and insecure with God everyday provide.

Yeah, after spending thousands of money, and hours of studies, I finally finished the music exam today. I believe I am passing it hopefully with dinstinction. I thank the 2 angels sending me sms for that showing supports. So sweet. Like going back to high school or what. I never had girl friends like that. Now I could work on my piano again. Heading 6 grade. Love the feeling of achieving something after some hard work, someone to assist me. someone to encourage me. someone to celebrate with. Love that all God gave me. I would love to give back to him.

Isn't it love?

A 39 woman and A 40 man - Isn't it so hard to get together? The woman wanna go straight down to the aisle. The man is lazy and too back laying. He likes her for her easygoing, bright and delightful. Now she is stressed, insecure and overwhelming. She - from the beginning, cannot appreciate him much. Eventually, she is grateful for all he has done to her. But zazazu, she's not sure. So her hand is always behind him, pushing him to the direction she wants. She begins to lose herself and become a control freak. He begins to get frustrated and step back. Too fast, too different, or too self-center? "Where is God?" they asked, the right question is, "Is there a place for God in this relationship?"

There is someone, I really wanna forget about. But appear in my dream from time to time. In my dream, everything is so real. Everything is still so familiar. Every time I woke up from one of these dream, I hate myself. For haven put in so many effort but fail in forgetting. For haven started so many new chapters but still couldn't totally cover the page. Also, I couldn't understand why only this page so remarkable. I was surprise and couldn't figure it out still. God I am really ready for a new page.

Job is eating me recently. Very hard to balance from it. Yea I m lazy. Stress = cant sleep = addicted in something = not healthy and looking sucks and get me moody. Balance! the day I get over it, I guess it's time to meet Jesus in heaven. Life is sucks when we bet most chips on material.

got a 11Oct deadline and a cost for tutoring, spend three hours on music theory this evening at coffee shop. I thought I was having a fever at that time. but really need to finish the study. frankly, a little addiction after the 1st hour. strange huh! actually treat myself with wall e bf starting. a little plant in a shoe bring back people who already give earth up. quite funny though not a new idea of seeing the clumsy and obese human who thought are having a comfy n convenience in the space. disney is so dare in this movie of accusing A. consuming trend B. life style more and more rely on artificial intelligent and the most obvious C. killing the earth we are. relating consuming to wasting to killing the earth. relating computerized to lack of intimacy to losing of human dignity. robots are supposed to be cold and incapable to love. but human ironically rely on them to bring them back to life. the captain said, "I don't wanna survive, I wanna live!" To Live! are we living at all after all, better give it a think.

computer is very strange recently. it took me 5 times to log in to my blogger. one mac is totally down. this borrowed one just hang. mac don't hang usually. super strange. anyway, close friend is confirmed getting married this year. lots of feeling deep down. happy for her definitely. worrying for myself also. will I end up with someone or just die alone? after thinking it over really hard for a few weeks, I confess I scared. pray for it, no significant answer still. I started playing the piano score for some hymns I just get from hymns lesson at church today. peace gradually came and scares gone. heart fill with his love. and suddenly, I found "y not wait in praise if I'll wait anyway" God is faithfulness and he will not miss my pray. yes I will praise until he give it to me. my heart will be full of peace, not insecure when he meet me, right! yeah that's what I should do.

Positive words for everyone

I am from the beginning
A creator
Born to make dreams reality
Living the ultimate life possible for me
I am free to chose what I make matter
I focus on what I want
I desire experiences
Memorable experience
Quality experience
New choice for my day
I feel the flow courageous hearts and expansive minds
I expect exhilarating conversations
With extraordinary people
I m transforming my life
Rediscovering myself
Following my Bliss
Creating my life of dreams
Companionship, Convenience, Comfort, Clarity, Creativity, Connection, Communication
First I find joy
The best I can give you
with music that stir my soul
I taste the deliciousness of the moment
Smell the freshness of a new day
Let my spirit be touched
Appreciate an eye-popping experience
Life is fun
A feast for the senses
My passion shines through
I am vision in action
I m getting where i want to be quickly
My intentions are powerful
My well being is natural
I am wonderful
Taste the life you imagine
Create the life of my dreams
I am grateful - thank you! I love you!

3 mths of work pass in no time. suddenly I feel like taken a summer break. working with the young people principle's son v and fresh grad PR H was fun and inspiring. Both ambitious in a diff way. remind me of my u life and fresh grad. It was long time ago but the smell still there. I got along w them in no effort. they heat up the office. gear up my work life. we had so much fun in lunch time making dump jokes. maybe... my true age is early 20s. unfortunately, my look already... aiya. now they gone, I miss them. but gotta pick up my pace at work.